What to do. What to do.

*hits head off desk*

I'm such a teenager.

I can't remember his face. It's scaring the out of me. I don't want to forget it all. I want to see him again. I just love him to bits so why can I not just see him! I miss his voice. I see him everywhere. I hear him in everyones voice. I hear his footsteps. I smell his smell. I sense him near me. But It's all in my head.

And now I'm . My body longs for him. It can't have him - so I notice others.

It's been a week. I'm not doing to well. Been a week since I've heard his voice. I'm not doing to good. I cleared my room of his stuff. Not doing to good. I read the cards he'd given. I'm not doing to good. I dream about him every night. I'm not going to good. I dream he s me and ignores me. I'm not doing to good. I look out my window frequently. I'm waiting for me. I'm not doing to good. I long for someone I shouldn't. I'm not doing to good. I don't want to rebound. I'm not doing to good.

I've stopped crying for everything. Did it mean nothing. Did the last year get wasted on a boy I'd forget about in a week.
How can I love someone I can't remember.

Oh. Wait. I realise memories . Of feelings. Hair through fingers. Hands over skin. Fingertips over features. Skin against skin. It's all over now. Can't go back. Better move on. Better to forget.

Someday. We'll sing again. I'll hear your voice. I'll make you laugh. I'll love you.
No touching. No contact. No hunger for you.
Just love.

Someday.

Maybe you'll be the same.
Possessive. Greedy. Wild. Hurt. Over-protective. Damaged. Dangerous. Disastrous. Controlling. Changeable. Hormonal. Screwed up. Blind. Deaf. Silencing.
Maybe I'll fall at you feet.
Obey. Listen. Follow. Awe. Worship. Give. Satisfy. Love. Respect. Adore. Please. Confuse. Disappoint. Screw up. Cry. Plead. Correct. Return. Forgive. Forget.


We should learn from each other. You said you'd teach me everything you know. That you'd show me the world.
Didn't mean your world was nice. Didn't mean you knew alot. Your Human. Not superman. I've got to look at you at your level. You may it. But I'm a free now. Your not my controller.
Your a friend. A companion. Good company. A good laugh. Let us be like that. Fit in.
I won't plead for forgiveness if I'd said something I meant. I meant it. If your hurt by it then you have to learn to deal with criticism.
You got to realise I'm not always going to come running back to you.
Your a shoulder to lie on. A heart to melt. A voice to help. A ear to listen.
If I want to be somewhere else I can be.

You let the beauiful bird that you've kept and loved for so long go free.
It will come back.
It knows you loved it and all you wanted was it for your own.
It will come back.
And It will sings. Sing songs of joy. Happiness. Freedom. And Love.
For the little beautiful bird loves you.
She want you to be happy.
She wants you to sing along.
She has wings. She can fly. You can only stand below and watch.

Someday.
You'll find your wings. You'll be free with her.

Two Beautiful Birds.

Note: To all those telling me: "Oh don't do that. You need to forget him.
F*** off.

To everyone who hears my happy joking words about him. It's all lies. I'm F***ing crazy.